I’m Awake

“He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;  indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”

Psalm 121:3-4 (NIV)

I find comfort in knowing that the One who holds me together doesn’t need a nap.

I mean, I’ve got to be exhausting. I’m often impatient, loud, anxious, and that’s just before lunch. I’m by no means perfect. I struggle with the art of “being still.”

Can I get an amen? Surely I’m not the only one that hasn’t mastered the craft of rest. I have this hollow idea that if I were to actually and deeply rest, the world that I try to hold together will collapse without my constant watch and work.

I often feel like if someone else isn’t awake with my daughter, that I shouldn’t sleep. At least not deeply. What if she cries and I don’t hear it? What if she’s cold and I don’t know it? What if she needs me, and I’m asleep?

In the thick of my tossing and turning one night, God whispered something to my heart that had the effect of a lullaby. He said, “You can go to sleep baby girl, I’m awake.”

Psalm 121:3-4 immediately popped into my mind. How absurd of me to think I could watch over my whole little world anyway.

I wasn’t wrong to think someone needed to be watching, guarding, preserving my little world. I was just wrong to think that I could be the one to do it.

“In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat— for he grants sleep to those he loves.” Psalm 127:2 (NIV)

He grants sleep. Man, I needed some of that. Real sleep. The kind where you turn your mind all the way off and exhale into arms of someone other than yourself to be responsible for a while.

Real rest requires us to fully rely on God.

I realized that I wasn’t resting, because I wasn’t trusting. I was afraid my God might doze off on me. I was nervous that maybe He would look away.

I never had this feeling until I had my daughter. I had NO issue going to sleep before I became a mother. In fact, it was quite the opposite. My husband would laugh at how effortlessly and quickly I could fall asleep, just about anywhere.

But now that I have a baby that means more to me than anything else in the world, I struggle with releasing complete control- even if just to go to sleep.

God reminded me that the same way I feel about my baby girl, He feels about me, but stronger. Not only does He want to hold me together- He actually has the ability to safeguard me completely.

He doesn’t need to sleep. He doesn’t take naps. He doesn’t get worn out or weary in watching over me.

“I, the Lord, watch over it; I water it continually. I guard it day and night so that no one may harm it.” Isaiah 27:3 (NIV)

So for those of you that need to rest. Whether it be physically or mentally. You can. God wants you to know that He’s awake. He’s watching. He sees you. He’s got you.

And just like I cradle my baby and rock her to sleep, God lulls us to sleep with His promise of capability to hold us together.

“He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.” Colossians 1:17 (NIV)

“You can go to sleep, I’m awake.”

Be Blessed!

One Comment Add yours

  1. Oh Jordan, “You can go to sleep, I’m awake.” Every mom needs to hear this. When my son was being bullied in junior high, God assured me He saw everything that was going on & He loved Mark more than I did. To this day, my son has NEVER held a grudge against anyone, for anything! There is no unforgiveness in his heart. Yes ma’am, God did that!

    Liked by 1 person

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